I think I love you, Dama

I think I love you, Dama

You who fight so hard to be tough

You who struggle so much to be heard

I love you, who fight a battle lost for the fact you fight

I love you, who sees but do not know

I know I love you, Dama

You who loves hard and fights harder

You who guards your heart

You who do not yield

I love you

I love you

I love you

Tanya, I’ll always love you now, no matter what happens

I know I am only a man, I am only the unworthy, but no matter where your road leads your life I will always have your eternal heart. Love will always be what binds our memories and our waking lives. May every day you open your eyes you remember that no matter how much you feel anger for life and dream for your dreams to come true that I will always subject myself to your anger for even a smile from you….I’m sorry I am only a man. I am your man. I love you.

Traveling

Never thought I'd see the day that I would become weary of the travels. I'm beat, tired of sleeping in a hotel and in dire need of my woman. Although being in Albuquerque was a definite experience, from the local bar scene to the Sandia mountains. It's interesting to see how humans deteriorate when put out of their element and at the same time we figure out a way to evolve into a new one. Overall, I'd say a good part of Albuquerque's locals are happy and outgoing leaving the a very large portion to the shadows and very distant from social normalises.
Anyway, I can see how flying from airport to hotel and hotel to airport constantly gets very old very quickly. I'll stick to making each an adventure. My travel partners will always find it odd that I seek conversation with anyone who will listen but as my pappy always said, "How will the adventure begin if we don't jump through a new portal?"

Why do we do what we do?

It feels like we are not creatures of habbit but also beasts of consistancy. Whether you're happy or in full disdain we generally only go as far doubting our posistions in this big big world. One can't help wonder where this comes from. I guess some people are raised as such and others cultivate a level of fear which leads to it. It's understandable that incomplete bliss we don't look inward. I mean who would really. Narcissm is an ugly scent on most people. The thing is that we are in a loathing state of being which lead to brash decision. What is it that causes us to constantly hit the wall over and over? I think it's this: we put fear first. Also we hold hope that the love you hold will eventually flower so big. Big enough forgive all sins committed and transgressed upon. that being said I love living life. There much being said about the ups and downs of relationships and partnerships alike. There aren't enough heroes of love and hate. Champeens of the everlast. For my money I don't care if women are crazy . I'm alive and living. I would do it all over again.

The Friend Connection

It's interesting to see our path's in life move along. I'd say most people are unaware the details let alone noticing the fact that we are all on a universal journey. Sometimes I wonder and find my wishing I new what it would be like to think about everything less, care less and worry the least. Although I know I would miss my life and the struggles it takes each and every day to make it all worth while.
Well apart of that peripatetic unwinding we all do we find ourselves amongst the most interesting people albeit not always the best of people. A descent group of friends and the one sour cousin or a clueless, selfish brother. How do you traverse these things? The answer eludes me, but after an all day headache with mixed feelings I guess the pro's out weigh the con's. So for now the idea is to cultivate the friendship. Have as much fun as possible and not think about the details all the time.
For me, the most intriguing thing is watching all the dynamics of any group. No two people are the same in style and almost in personality yet everyone gets along in their way. For example, there's the witty, extra quip character who will most likely spin the entertainment most of the night but still tends to pinch nerves. Then again, it's the cost to pay. There's the passive, nice, romantic guy who tends to serve as the glue of any group of friends. The token stoner and last but not least the more aggressive alpha male of the group. Slap on a keen sense of homo-erotic behavior which contend as jokes in the 2010 era and I'd say you've got a pretty normal set of friends. The best thing about it all is our wide the open arms of acceptance are. I wonder who I'll know next year.

The funny thing about Californians is that they are so used to easy weather that when an odd occurrence such as a tornado warning comes everyone immediately says, "Don't worry...it's not gonna hit." or "I'll believe when I see it..." Which is absolutely absurd because a tornado is crazy as hell.
Me, being a Californian but having had the chance to live in the Midwest and south, I know first hand what tornadoes can do. The devastation it can cause in only minutes. Whole towns wiped off the surface like that. It's amazing. I haven't witnessed anything like losing a house or loved one due to but again I have seen the damage up close. So when I hear a tornado warning is near my ears perk RIGHT up. I begin the break down, first think of the safest place to hide in case. Second, call my girlfriend up and make sure she's aware and knows what to do.
Well it turned out to be only by beach cities but like my grand pappy always says, "Better safe then sorry."
Still, I can't help but wonder what a blunder L.A. would be in if something like a medium sized tornado tore through...

Stranger

Dear Jeremy -

Hello stranger. I don't think you'd remember us by face and neither do us you, but we know you name like the stains on our pants when we found out what you did to our brother. I hope you are living well and I hope you are innocent even though the cops say maybe. I'd like to ask though, why did you ask him to go to California? You were only following God's plans yet we would have liked to have had more time with our brother.

Before we knew

Here I am with my favorite aunt Barbara. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen this picture before this blog and as I'm sitting here looking at it I can't help but to think, "Wow, that was before we knew" By we I mean us as kids. I know by the time I was born my aunt had already had parry after parry with the realities of this harsh life.
Maybe my down turn view is due to being laid off and recently leaving my dama, but try as I may to stay positive keep moving forward, I can't help but look at this picture and wonder how silly and awesome my thoughts were then. I mostly likely wanted nothing other than attention and adventure which is what I'm told I always sought after.

Adventure = troubles = spanking

I can still remember how scared and how much I hated getting in trouble. From the "go to your room and wait til you dad comes home" speech to the "which belt?" question from my dad. haha. sometimes, I'd wear extra underwear to add padding. Never worked. I'll tell you what though. I pushed the limits all the time. I did everything I could. As I got older I got in less trouble but the consequences became pricier and the stakes grew. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's plain ol' depressing, but I guess it's apart of who I am. I question everything and challenge everyone.
So here I am now, 27 and unemployed, and I am facing the void once again. This time my mom won't scold me and my dads belts are worn and lost. I'm still scared that I am going to make the wrong choice here as if the next step I take is going to be off a cliff, but I think the point is that if I fall I will land somewhere else new and unwary of my nuisance. So here's to it.......................................I just wish It could be simple like "stop sucking your thumb or else I'm going to put jalapenos on them.." I TELL YOU!!